


Everything.

by Wushu76



Series: Learning Trilogy [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wushu76/pseuds/Wushu76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything they ever needed was always right there from the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009.

Everything they ever needed was always right there from the start.

John had been sure that watching Rodney being happy with someone else was going to be the very hardest thing he’d ever had to live through, even after he had eventually found some sort of peace with the situation, been able to find happiness in Rodney’s happiness.

He had still known it would be the most painful thing he would ever experience. For the second time in his life he had known completely and utterly, heartbreakingly wrong. Watching Rodney being happy with her was a million times better than what he was watching now.

John had seen Rodney grieving before, comforted him as he fell apart for lost colleagues, team mates and friends. Carson’s death had been heart wrenching for the both of them but it didn’t compare to the grief he saw now, written on an expressionless face and in screaming eyes.

From that moment in the jumper bay onwards, John wouldn’t leave Rodney and he in turn showed not the slightest desire to move from John’s side, just the opposite. When Rodney couldn’t face walking into the apartment that was now his alone, John didn’t hesitate in offering his bed.

He had intended sleeping on the couch, but when Rodney fell asleep against him, still fully clothed, John held him through the night. As he listened to Rodney’s dream, unable to sleep himself, he wondered if bad dreams were better than waking Rodney to the nightmare of reality. 

Everything they ever needed was always right there from the start.

He was there by Rodney’s side for everything, from Lorne’s debriefing to standing with him when Rodney took the ashes to Katie’s sister for interment on Earth. John held him as denial inevitably broke, the emotionless mask Rodney had been wearing shattered, tears finally fell.

He was the one that heard the whispered words, sometimes angry, sometimes fearful and always full of pain. Spoken to the darkness of the night, Rodney certain John was asleep on the couch, threatening and bargaining in turn with a god Rodney didn’t even believe in.

He was there when Rodney’s anger broke into waves of such fury that he tore through his lab. Destroying everything he could get his hands on until there was nothing left but broken fragments, the visible, outward devastation showing the invisible internal emotional state.

He was the one that listened when the depression came, the empty lack of motivation and drive. Their conversations were wide-ranging and emotional, especially on the hard days. He stood beside Rodney through the deepest dark, and saw the light returning before Rodney did.

He was still there, two years later, as Rodney stood at her grave on an overcast spring day, their first visit to this place. He never heard what Rodney said, all he saw were hands dancing expressively through the air. Rodney’s face made words unnecessary, he saw acceptance.

Everything they ever needed was always right there from the start.

John knew that Rodney was one of the very bravest people he had ever known. He’d learnt that years ago, watching the terrified man save them all by walking into a creature that ate energy, protected by nothing more than a thin barrier of failing power truest courage at work.

Courage wasn’t the absence of fear; it was action in the face of fear. True courage was tiptoeing in frightened out of your mind but doing it anyway. Neither of them lacked that, the courage to do what was needed to protect their city, their friends and team, their home.

No, that type of courage wasn’t his down fall. His downfall had been lacking the courage to speak the words, verbalise what he felt until the lack of those words, or any other sent the person he loved most into another’s arms, the arms of someone who gave Rodney the words he needed.

Courage was needed to offer his heart to someone who had damaged it more than any other, even if it had been in self protection, risking rejection. Having the courage to risk the very best relationship John had ever known, chancing this time it would be everything they both needed.

Their first kiss in years was everything a first kiss should be, lush with need and desire, but richer with love. John’s smile was bright, almost as bright as the one that answered him as he cradled Rodney’s face tenderly and spoke, with confidence, words coming with terrifying ease.

Everything they ever needed was always right there from the start.

“I love you.”


End file.
